If you’ve ever stood your ground in a relationship with a narcissist, you’ve likely heard this phrase:
“I’m back to square one with you.”
It might sound harmless. Maybe even logical. But make no mistake – this is not an innocent comment. It’s a manipulation tactic. A frustrated narcissist’s way of saying: You stopped complying. You stopped feeding my ego. You stopped letting me win.
Let’s break down what’s really going on.
When a narcissist says, “We’re back to square one,” they’re not referring to a mutual struggle or shared progress that’s been undone.
They’re weaponizing your healing, your boundaries, and your clarity.
They’re expressing their rage, even quietly, but make no mistake, what you’re witnessing is their rage, not because you’ve regressed but because you’ve advanced beyond their control.
This line is code for:
“I can no longer manipulate you like I used to, and I hate that you’re waking up to who I really am.”
Narcissists don’t grow. They manipulate the illusion of growth to keep you hopeful.
They’ll act cooperative, reflective, or “self-aware” long enough to hook you back in. But it’s a mask. A role. A tactic.
When you finally stop playing along, when you stop responding the way they want, you break the cycle.
And that’s when they say it:
“I’m back to square one with you.”
It’s meant to guilt you, shame you, and pressure you into re-entering the role they assigned you: the scapegoat, the caretaker, the doormat they leave at home while they selfishly make sure their needs are met. The compliant one they rely on for stability. It’s a role you probably didn’t consent to.
Your healing threatens the narcissist’s control.
You start asking questions. Setting boundaries. Calling out inconsistencies. Saying “no.”
They can’t handle that. So they accuse you of ruining everything. Of sabotaging “all the progress.” and accuse you of lying to them, when you couldn’t allow your boundaries to be exploited any longer. Your morality isn’t a weakness. It’s your biggest strength.
But let’s get honest:
There wasn’t real progress. There was control, repackaged as growth.
And now that you’re reclaiming your voice, they feel powerless and terrified of being exposed.
So they use “square one” to flip the script and make you doubt yourself.
It’s not about you failing. It’s about you waking up.
Your truth is making them uncomfortable. You’re standing between them, and supply. That’s a sign you’re healing, not regressing.
It’s an emotional trap.
They want to bait you into defending yourself or backpedaling. Don’t take the bait.
You never left square one because you were the only one trying to move forward.
The narcissist doesn’t evolve. They circle. You were running a marathon while they stayed on a treadmill.
Recognize the tactic.
Understand this isn’t about rebuilding trust. It’s about re-establishing their power.
Hold your ground.
You’re not starting over. You’re leveling up. They just can’t follow you there.
Cut off the conversation if necessary.
You do not owe anyone a response to manipulation. Especially not someone who’s already shown they don’t respect your growth.
You’re not starting over. You’re breaking free.
That’s what terrifies them most.
Because when you stop needing their validation, when you stop explaining yourself, when you stop showing up to fight for a relationship they were never fighting for they lose the game they were rigging from the start.
And you?
You finally win.
Ready to Manifest the Life You Were Meant to Live?
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You’re not back at square one. You’ve been out of squares for a long time. You’re on the brink of an incredible breakthrough!